Consumed with Grief

Mark Colgan, founder of Plan Your Legacy, lost his late wife Joanne on 9/4/2001, just a week before the tragic events of 9/11. Here is his story in his own words...

Joanne and I had an incredible relationship. In addition to having the best friendship anyone could ever ask for, we shared the magic of a loving marriage. It was truly a wonderful life.

In addition to enjoying the fruits of a loving relationship, Joanne and I unfortunately experienced the challenges which life so often brings. One of these challenges, as a result of Joanne's congenital heart disease, was that our lifestyle had to be a bit more relaxed than many. The simple things in life, activities such as going for a walk or shopping at the mall, often had to take a back seat to her fatigue and need for rest. Still, these minor sacrifices were insignificant in comparison to the treasures of the life we shared.

With time, however, Joanne's challenges escalated as her heart complications progressed. In 2000, after just six years of marriage, her condition worsened. When she developed pneumonia, we found ourselves speaking with doctors about heart transplants.

Even though they didn't feel she needed one at the time, we started the application process. Apparently, the waiting list was two to five years and their foresight suggested one might be needed within that timeframe. They also stressed that while her condition was critical over the long term, they felt there was no immediate threat to her life.

The year 2001 was a roller coaster. The new year, while marked with optimism for recovery, ended tragically. Toward the end of summer, just when it seemed that Joanne began feeling better, she died suddenly.

On the morning of Tuesday, September 4th, after a pleasure-filled weekend with her family at the lake, Joanne passed away. Fortunately, even though we had no idea her death was imminent, our last moments together were very peaceful. Such an experience has taught me to never forget to live your life and love those close to you as if it were your last day together.

The hours following Joanne's death were dramatic. Within minutes of her passing, I found myself in the midst of a crowd of emergency medical technicians, firemen, policemen, relatives, neighbors, and the medical examiner. Within hours of her death, I was writing her obituary, selecting her casket, planning the details surrounding her funeral, purchasing a gravesite for both of us, and even designing her headstone. Within six hours, I had gone from waking up with my wife to beginning the process of burying her.

Our wonderful life ended abruptly and my life was dramatically changed forever. It went from fairytale bliss to tremendous, unbearable pain. I walked a path of introspection and carried on an internal debate about my purpose in life.

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